Struggling with Loneliness

On Sunday, my pastor said, “No one is alone if they are in Christ.” I scribbled it down in my sermon notes and put a nice, big star next to it. But I still feel alone. No. I struggle every day with a deep and profound loneliness.

When I moved to Roanoke after marrying my husband, I knew it would be difficult to make friends, and I would spend the first several months of our marriage feeling alone, as my hubby already had a circle of friends. I never expected that loneliness to remain, to have grown seemingly exponentially, over seven months later.

I know people, knowing people is not really the problem, but I don’t have anyone who knows me, anyone I feel I can relate to. I’m in a Bible Study with some really wonderful ladies, all of whom are old enough to be my mother or my grandmother. I love them, I learn a lot from them, and they have been completely welcoming to me, but we’re in different places in our lives. Our Young Couple’s Sunday School class is quite large, so theoretically there are a lot of ladies I could get to know who are in the same life stage I’m in, but just as we were married, the class experienced a “baby boom” of sorts, and there are four couples out of the nearly forty enrolled in our class who are childless. One of those couples is engaged and are planning their wedding, so they’re more than a little busy with that. I don’t actually put in an appearance in Sunday School as I spend Sunday mornings down in the Children’s Building helping out with the second graders. So in some senses the fault here is mine, but by and large the opportunities aren’t there. There are some girls in my husband’s former Single’s class who seem nice and are close to my age, but again, we have completely different lives right now. Most of what young singles do happens at night, when hubby and I are spending time together and sleeping like the old fogies we are. Not to mention, with some of the girls I’m not entirely sure forming a relationship is the wisest thing at this point.

In my Beth Moore Bible Study (Stepping Up, which I TOTALLY recommend), she mentioned she often struggles with loneliness. As she was telling about her struggle, she mentioned she had said similar things at a conference, and just about all the women’s eyes in the auditorium welled up with tears.

I know I’m not alone with my loneliness, but I don’t know how to combat it. At times, I have thought hubby and I should expand our family, that being of the “with-child” couples would increase my commonality with more people. But I know that’s not the answer. We know now is not the time with children, and besides, if we had a child, we’d be too busy to meet people and I’d be lonelier than ever! I know how not to deal with this issue, but I don’t know how to deal with it in a healthy way, and that’s frustrating.


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